You always remember exactly where you were and what you were doing when disaster strikes. Last Friday morning, I was volunteering in my son’s kindergarten classroom. The news shocked me to the core.The contrast of that evil intruder devastating the lives of children, families and a community clear across the nation, while I stood in this classroom full of happy smiles, laughter and innocence left me in disbelief and denial.We send our children to school every day trusting they are safe. Since Friday I have been dealing with my own fears, since my greatest fear is losing a child. How do I react? What do I say to my kids? I don’t want them to pick up on my fears. What do I say if they ask me about it?
I don’t want them to be afraid to go to school, but I do want them to know that life can be painful and hard to deal with. War, hurricanes, flooding, death, divorce are a part of life.

This is an opportunity, because a big part of our job as parents is teaching our children right thinking and right reactions. Learning how to deal with thoughts, feelings, concerns and the confusion that comes is a part of maturity.
So how can we help our kids?

  1. First, it’s essential to validate their feelings and be sensitive to them. Every child will react and process these events in different ways so respect that. Ask questions. So far, my boys ages five and eight don’t know about the disaster, and I’m glad, but friends at school may start talking about it. Last night Carter, age 8, told me that something really sad and bad happened at a school in Conneticut and his class is mailing a care package with cards.
  2. Keep daily routines as normal as possible. Routine gives security.
  3. Turn off the media.
  4. These are teachable moments and the way we react during tough times and the things that we say build character in our children and teach them resiliency, hope and courage.  Look at the heroes of Sandy Hook. Reflect on the dad who lost a child but said: “My heart goes out to the family of the killer.”
    “Kids (and adults) don’t just need the truth in their heads — they need it in their bones. They need to know what courage looks like and tastes like and smells like before they ever have to show it themselves. They need to do justly, and love mercy, and walk humbly — heroes and villains can show them why. They need to loathe the darkness and love the Light.” N.D. Wilson
  5. Model positive thinking. As tough as it may be, deal with your own feelings of revenge, worry, and panic. Our kids pick up on emotions around them and are looking at us for strength and assurance. Train your mind to focus on the good that comes out of evil. Know that good wins out. Disaster brings people together, strengthens relationships and comunities.
  6. Be part of the solution to the tragedy. Get children involved in helping the community by collecting donation, food, supplies, or care packages. Even giving to local needs ‘pays it forward.’ Volunteering is considered the best way to build character.

I ache for the families of those sweet innocent children whose lives were forever changed in an instant.
I picked my boys up from school on Friday and squeezed them tight. My hugs are harder and longer now. Our thoughts and prayers go out to all those affected in Newtown, CT.

Jenny Riojas

Read More

As a young girl, I played guerilla warfare with my five brothers in the arroyos and vacant lots of our Tucson neighborhood. A playmate and I were enamored with detailed toy horses and even pretended that we were horses, practicing different ‘gaits’ in the desert barefoot, so we could harden our ‘hooves’.

My girls, raised in the 80’s, played with dolls till they were nine years old. Our Fisher Price doctor kit was used continually, with simple homemade costumes and willing patients. The back yard was turned into a primitive village for a few weeks, a complete girl’s house plus one for the boys, including kitchens and bathrooms. The boys got in trouble when they took part of that too literally.

All this because I read widely to them every night, and was too busy working half days from my home office to meddle much.

They constructed a large houseboat out of spools and planks I had scrounged after taking a boat ride on Lake Powell.

Their favorite was a club created in our attic after we had an attic ladder installed. They added carpet scraps, signs, rules, and spent winter days up there in full colonial costume.

How much should children play?

All this because I read widely to them every night, and was too busy working half days from my home office to meddle much.

As you watch your children play, what toys do you find that have less bells and whistles and encourage creative play? I’d love to hear from you since I have three new grandchildren two and under!

If it’s trueasresearcherstell us that imaginative play allows children to make their own rules and practice self-control, what can parents do to augment the benefits of truly creative play?

What we do know is that children entering school now will be retiring in 2065. We can barely recall how life was like 5 years ago, much less five years from now.

Indoors and outdoors, children need large blocks of time for playaccording toJill Englebright Fox, Ph.DResearchers Christie and Wardle (1992), found that large blocks of time of 30-60 minutes are needed to develop mature and complex play, giving the benefits of problem solving, determination, compromise, planning, and collaboration.

I’ve been conducting my own private survey among Moms, asking: “What toys do children really play with a lot?” Train sets? Well, yes maybe, but usually not the way they were intended.

Read ideas from Vikki Valentine in her NPR article The Best Kind of Play for Kids.

It wasn’t until 1955, according to Howard Chudacoff, a professor at Brown University, that almost overnight, children’s play switched from activities, to things—the toys themselves.

Does commercialization of children’s play actually shrink children’s imagination, as Chudacoff claimsin his 2008 book?

Of course safety is an issue now. Kids can’t go roaming through the neighborhood as when I was a kid. As preschoolers, ages 4 and 5, my brother and I were sent to the grocery store to pick up bread for lunch.

Flower soup and flower tea Alison Gopniksays that children are little scientists, and those who are better at pretending are better at thinking of different possibilities. Pretend play is under attack right now because of the onslaught of media and busyness. But pretend play is a crucial part of what makes us so smart. Don’t fear a bit of boredom initially. They will soon come up with ideas. Maybe your goal is to be raising the next Bill Gates.
Beth Weise

David Derbyshire chronicles how children have lost the right to roam in four generations. When George Thomas was eight he was allowed to walk six miles to his favorite fishing haunt without an adult, but his eight year old grandson Edwards is allowed no more than 300 yards from home. You can see the diminishing map here.

As a boy raised in the south, my husband left home as soon as he woke up in the summer, and was off to the swimming/fishing hole till dark.

How can we best prepare them for the real world? it seems like from the first day of Kindergarten or even preschool, we’re getting them primed for that college entrance exam.

Read More